Titanic Church

Legend has it that when the Titanic began to sink there was a group of musicians that played their instruments in the midst of the chaos created by people scurrying back and forth trying to save themselves. I do not no how historically accurate this is and if these musicians perished with their ship or not but I do find in the legend a powerful way of understanding myself and the community of faith I currently serve.

I am a pastor in the Dutch Reformed Church. It used to be and in some ways still is a powerful denomination with a lot of members and great resources. It is also a shrinking (or should I aptly say "sinking") denomination. Any closed system will eventually regress and die and the Dutch reformed Church in my mind is no exception. It used to be the blue eyed boy of the national Party in the Apartheid years. Many of it's leaders were members of the secret Broederbond society that called the shots on much of what was decided in those times. Many white churches today must to their shame admit that they went with the flow during the apartheid years. The Dutch Reformed Church however took it a step further. Not only did this church remain silent on the gross injustices of Apartheid, they also justified the apartheid regime theologically. In my opinion that was the moment this impressive organisation hit the iceberg. It will take quite a while for this ship to actually sink. Some on board simply do not believe this is possible and live in denial, others try frantically to repair the damage whilst others loot what they can and make for a life boat outside. I try not to be part of any of these groups. I try to be the musician that plays the best music I know to calm, challenge, provoke, heal and inspire those who care to listen. I didn't join the crew by purpose. I was brought up in the Dutch Reformed Church and by the time I decided to become a pastor who wants to play the truth-music of the gospel the best I could, this church was simply the logical choice. By the time I began my studies the church apologised what seemed to be wholeheartedly for apartheid and their role in it. Negotiations for integration with our black and brown sister churches seemed well underway. Sadly even twenty years after apartheid none of the remorse or talks of uniting materialised in any meaningful way. Young people are leaving my church in droves for this and many other reasons. It is now evident that the ship will sink.

I don't exactly feel called to go down with the ship. Whilst I play my music I keep my eyes open for a space on a lifeboat that can take me, made wiser by what I learned on my journey thus far, to a new hopeful beginning. I dream of a non-isolated life in which I engage with people form all races and read the Bible with Christians from all races and denominations. I dream of confessing openly what my people did wrong while proclaiming it to be the will of God. I dream of receiving the forgiveness of those I confess to and take hands with them towards a better future. I dream of playing my music in the much larger orchestra of an integrated South Africa. I hope for the grace of a new beginning. I have no assurance that I won't perish with the ship but as long as I have this hope I will "move nearer my God to Thee" while I play the most beautiful songs to people in a dying structure. This is my story. Stay tuned for it has but started.